Time: The near future

Place: The U.S.-Mexico border

Prime directive: Build President Trump’s massive border wall


Several high-ranking Mexican officials have gathered to discuss the project. They have received Trump’s blueprints and project overview. (Note: All dialogue has been translated from Spanish.)


Juan (lead engineer): Let’s see what we have here from the U.S. (Unrolls blueprint) Ah. That looks insane.

Enrico (diplomat): (Looks through overview) That bastard says he wants us to pay for this monstrosity.

(Everyone laughs heartily)

Dave (secretary of conservation): What are we looking at here? Lots of concrete and gold?

Juan: Yes. I think millions of tons of each.

Random guy who wandered in: (Surveying blueprint) And asbestos.  He wants it built with a lot of asbestos.

Dave: I know where we can get the asbestos cheap.

Felicia (stripper hired to class the place up): How long will this wall be?

Juan: From sea to shining sea, cupcake. (Winks and slaps Felica on the ass)

Tuco (thug): I say we build the shit out of this sonofabitch. (Thrusts knife into table dramatically)

Juan: Look closer at this – he wants 4,877 manned gun turrets, kennels to hold 1,988 bloodthirsty dogs, and housing for 500 people who just shout racial epithets.

Felicia: That magnificent bastard.

Enrico: With all that stuff, it’s going to cost 7,000,000,000,000,000 pesos. We’ll obviously skip out on that bill.

(Loud cheering)

Juan: This will take 29 years to build. When shall we tell him it’ll be done?

Random guy: Next month?

Juan: Done. Send word to Mr. Trump immediately.


The wall was finished 29 years later. Mr. Trump died in office and never came remotely close to seeing its completion.