Gung-ho creative type looking for reliable, reasonably-priced muse.  Aforementioned creative type needs to unblock artistic passages, and seeks an inexpensive feminine spiritual guide with which to bond.

All applicants must be women.  (Sorry, fellas, unless you’re Lennon or McCartney, you’re not a good muse.)  Intelligence, punctuality and unbridled whimsy a must.

Must be able to start immediately.  These 22 screenplays, 15 songs, 8 TV pilots, 5 novels and hundreds of poems aren’t going to finish themselves.

RESPONSIBILITIES:  Inspiring, intriguing, tantalizing, inspiring, light office work.  I may ask you to dictate while I drunkenly ramble.  But mostly sparking my brain with your womanly charm.  Maybe make a sandwich here and there.

SALARY: Negotiable.  Just remember I got heavy alimony and child support payments.  I WILL provide free cheap vodka and Triscuits.

WORK ENVIRONMENT:  I’m flexible; wherever you feel most charming.  Be warned that I have a horrid fear of tambourines and am allergic to most fabrics.  And I prefer to be around booze.

Interested females should send a list of reasons you’re a top-notch muse to  Please write.  I need you.  Even this ad is lackluster.  Really, I got nothin’.