I got a screenwriting bug up my butt last year and started a couple of screenplays. This is one for which I have a general story idea, but mainly got something down to amuse myself and get some practice. So I’m pretty sure it’s dead, like Elvis. Or IS he dead…?
ELVIS HAS LEFT THE GRAVE
INT: GRACELAND, DAY
A large group of people follow a tour guide around Elvis’ palacial estate. They stop in front of his pink Cadillac.
GUIDE
And here we have Elvis’ famous pink
Cadillac. You’ve probably heard the
Bruce Springsteen song “Pink Cadillac.”
The crowd murmurs approval.
GUIDE
It’s a good song, but it has nothing to
do with this car.
The crowd murmurs disappointment.
GUIDE
Most people don’t know that Elvis gave
an expensive car to everyone he knew, even
his cousin Earl, who he hated ever since
Earl shot him in the toe with a BB gun.
WOMAN IN GROUP
(to husband)
Elvis was such a good man. I wish he was
alive. I’d sell my tits to see him in concert.
HUSBAND
Me too, honey. And the goddamn kids, too.
THE KIDS, of which there are five, all under the age of 10, are screaming and fighting with each other obnoxiously.
TITLE CARD: LATER THAT NIGHT
EXT: GRACELAND, NIGHT
Shot of Elvis’ tombstone. It’s raining heavily with a lot of dramatic thunder and lightning. We pan down to the grave soil and suddenly a pale, rotted hand shoots out of the ground. There are ornate rings on every finger.
INT: SMALL RUN-DOWN APARTMENT, SAME NIGHT
TOMMY, 30, sits at a small table, poring over paperwork. His girlfriend, TAMMY, 26, lies listlessly on a couch watching TV. TOMMY throws down his pen in disgust.
TOMMY
There ain’t no way we can pay all these
fuckin’ bills. I think we can keep
the electric on, but I don’t know about
the phone. And we got just enough for
this month’s rent.
TAMMY
So go make more money.
TOMMY
And how about YOU makin’ some money, lazyass?
You sit around here all day while I bust my
ass drivin’ a forklift for peanuts.
TAMMY
You know I got a bad back.
TOMMY
How could I forget? Your “bad back” gives
me blue balls most of the time.
He shakes his cigarette pack. It’s empty.
TOMMY
Fuck, and now I’m outta smokes.
He looks out the window. It’s really bad weather out there.
TOMMY
I’m goin’ to the Qwik-E-Shop for cigs.
TAMMY
Are you nuts? Wait till the rain stops.
TOMMY
Between you and the bills, I need some fuckin’
nicotine NOW.
He grabs his coat and heads for the door.
INT: CAR, SAME NIGHT
TOMMY is driving in pouring rain, wipers doing their best. It’s very hard for him to see clearly, but at least it’s late at night and there’s not much traffic. Suddenly, a figure lurches into his path. He sees it barely in time but skids a little on the wet pavement and heavily hits the figure, which falls to the ground. He freaks out for a bit, then finally gets out of the car to help whomever he hit.
Surprisingly, the figure is standing when he gets out. He’s dressed in an elaborate costume, and looks sort of…rotted.
TOMMY
Hey, man, you okay? You came outta nowhere…
ELVIS
(dazed)
Yeah, baby. I just feel…confused.
TOMMY
You don’t look so good. You need to go to
a hospital?
ELVIS
No, baby. Elvis is fine. Where’s my guitar?
TOMMY
Wait…did you say “Elvis?”
ELVIS
That’s right. You seen Priscilla?
TOMMY
You know Elvis has been dead for over 30 years.
ELVIS
Maybe that’s why I’m so durn confused.
TOMMY
(playing along)
Tell you what, Elvis. You seem okay, so
get in my car and let’s get out of the rain.
I’d like to talk to you.
INT: PARKED CAR, SAME NIGHT
TOMMY is in the parking lot of the Qwik-E-Shop with ELVIS in the passenger seat. He smokes a cigarette but is still a little shaken; ELVIS stares forward blankly.
TOMMY
So you swear you’re Elvis. I gotta say,
you look like Elvis if he’d been in the fuckin’
ground a while.
ELVIS
I don’t know, man. Everything’s like a freaky
blender in my head. Is Colonel Tom around?
That cat could straighten things out.
TOMMY
Okay. There ain’t no mental hospitals around,
so I don’t think you’re an escaped loony. You
fuckin’ stink like a dead guy, you took a hit
from my car, and you really look like Elvis.
Well, a dead Elvis.
ELVIS
I don’t know what the deal is, baby. I just
wanna play some songs.
TOMMY
Great idea. I got a old guitar at home. Let’s
go there. I want you to meet my girlfriend.
INT: APARTMENT, NIGHT
TOMMY and ELVIS enter through the door. TAMMY is still on the couch, engrossed and oblivious.
TOMMY
Honey, I want you to meet a fella I ran
into tonight.
TAMMY looks up, sees the stranger, and immediately sits upright.
TAMMY
Who the fuck is that?
TOMMY
This here is Elvis Presley. I brought him
over to play some songs.
TAMMY
Even a retard knows Elvis is dead. Who is
he really? He don’t look so good.
ELVIS
Elvis Presley, ma’am. Pleased to meetcha.
Where’s that guitar?
TOMMY
I’ll go get it.
He exits the room.
TAMMY
(completely suspicious)
So, Elvis, how did you meet Tommy tonight?
ELVIS
Funny thing, ma’am. He hit me with his car.
TAMMY
What?!
ELVIS
Yeah. Best I can figgur, I came outta the
grave and stumbled in front of his car.
Kinda funny, if ya think about it.
TAMMY
So you’re…zombie Elvis?
ELVIS
I ain’t completely sure, ma’am, but it seems
like it’s turnin’ out to be that way.
TOMMY enters with the guitar and hands it to ELVIS. He strums it a bit.
ELVIS
Now that’s the stuff, baby.
He launches into a great rendition of “Hound Dog,” during which TOMMY and TAMMY often stare at each other in awe. When he finishes, they both enthusiastically applaud.
TOMMY
Tell you what, Elvis. You can stay with us
as long as you like. Our home is your home.
Just keep playing, okay?
He looks at TAMMY, who nods in approval – she’s won over by his performance, regardless of what he may be. Plus, there may be potential dollars in this.
ELVIS
Sure thing, man. I appreciate it. Say,
I’m kinda hungry. Got anything to eat?
TAMMY
We got some leftover Hamburger Helper in
the fridge. That sound good?
ELVIS
I was thinkin’ legs, hearts or brains.
TOMMY
(confused)
You mean like a chicken?
ELVIS
I mean, baby, like a human. The King’s
gotta eat.
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