I don’t consider myself a TV junkie, but there have been several shows over the years that have given me great enjoyment.  Here are a few favorite episodes that come to mind:

 

The Simpsons – “Mr. Plow”

I’ve been a Simpsons fan since it first came on in ’89.  I like all the episodes, but this one, I think, has the most consistency as far as funny lines.  And Homer and Barney are still buddies at the end.

 

Insurance agent: Now this place you were at, Moe’s, is this a business of some sort?

Homer’s brain: Don’t tell him you were at a bar.  But what else is open at night?

Homer: It’s a pornography store.  I was buying pornography.

Homer’s brain:  Heh heh heh.  I would never have thought of that.

 

Curb Your Enthusiasm – “The Car Pool Lane”

Larry picks up a hooker so he can use the car pool lane to get to a Dodgers game on time.  He, his dad and the hooker end up smoking a joint together.  Hilarity certainly ensues.

 

Drug dealer:  I can get you an ounce of, you know, some real hydroponic, scientific stuff, but that’ll run you five hundred dollars.

Larry: Hydroponic?

Dealer: Yeah.

Larry: I’m not looking for a sound system, my friend.

 

The X-Files – “Home”

The now-ex-wife was more of an X-Files fan than me, but I watched several episodes.  I always liked the “monster of the week” ones better than the ongoing conspiracy ones.  This one, though, was creepy even for The X-Files: an inbred hillbilly family has a dark secret.  Still pretty disturbing to watch even today.

 

Seinfeld – “The Contest”

Everyone knows this one – the gang bets on which of them can abstain from masturbation the longest.  I think my favorite part is when they show the characters in bed at night: those who have “relieved themselves” sleep peacefully, while those who haven’t toss and turn.

 

Kramer: (30 seconds after seeing a naked woman in an apartment across the street): I’m out.

 

The Sopranos – “Pine Barrens”

Certainly one of the funniest Sopranos episodes.  Paulie and Christopher get lost in the woods after a botched murder.  They’re hungry and freezing and really getting on each other’s nerves.  Quite entertaining.

 

Christopher: We shoulda stopped at Roy Rogers.

Paulie: Yeah, and I shoulda fucked Dale Evans, but I didn’t.

 

Spongebob Squarepants – “Rock Bottom”

To begin, I watch WAY too much Spongebob for someone who doesn’t have any kids.  That said, I always laugh at this one in particular.  SB gets stranded in a strange town where the inhabitants talk funny.  Some great sight gags where he keeps missing the bus.

 

Spongebob: This is not your average, everyday darkness.  This is…ADVANCED darkness.  Hey, if I close my eyes, it doesn’t seem so dark.

 

Freaks and Geeks – “I’m with the Band”

A show that got cancelled way, way too early.  In this one, Nick auditions as a drummer for a band he really admires…and fails miserably.  Been there, Nick.

 

Nick:  The Ramones?  They only use, like, three chords!

Daniel: I’ll learn another one, then.

 

South Park – “Make Love, Not Warcraft”

I’m not a huge fan, but I do think Parker and Stone are pretty brilliant guys.  This episode makes me laugh the most – the boys become obsessed with killing a World of Warcraft character.

 

President of Blizzard Entertainment: Whoever this player is, he has played World of Warcraft nearly every hour of every day for the past year and a half.  Gentlemen, we are dealing with someone here who…has absolutely no life.

Board member: How do you kill that which has no life?

 

Six Feet Under – “Everyone’s Waiting”

Probably the best series finale I’ve ever seen.  Things wrap up nicely, and the last 10 minutes or so fast-forward to show you how all the characters die.  Amazing.

 

Nate (as a ghost): You can’t take a picture of this.  It’s already gone.

 

SCTV – “SCTV Staff Christmas Party”

My fave of one of the funniest shows of the 80’s.  The staff gets together for a Christmas party, and it’s a great excuse to cameo pretty much every character.  Jonny LaRue’s forced to do “Street Beef” in the cold with nobody to interview and Joe Flaherty’s character from “Five Neat Guys” is drunk and complaining about the band.  And what party would be complete without Tex and Edna Boil as entertainment?

 

Dr. Tongue: Norman, take your glasses off.  I want to show you a 3D effect. (Sways a hot dog at Norman’s face) Oooh…oohh… (Smashes the hot dog in his face)

Norman: Ow!

Dr. Tongue: You moved on me a little quick, sorry.

Norman: What’s the matter with you?  Are you drunk?

Dr. Tongue: A little.  Yes.

Norman: You’ve been hittin’ the Wallbangers again, haven’t you?

Dr. Tongue: How can you tell?

Norman: Get outta here!

 

Flight of the Conchords – “Unnatural Love”

A very, very funny show featuring some talented performers to round out FOTC’s great songs.  In this one, New Zealander Jermaine finds he’s dating an Australian girl – and Aussies and Kiwis are supposed to hate each other.  Also contains my favorite FOTC song, “Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor.”

 

Bret: Did she sound Australian?  Australian accent?

Jermaine: Yes, yes.

Bret: What did it sound like?

Jermaine: Kind of like an evil version of our accent.

 

Mr. Show – “Show Me Your Weenis!”

All the episodes of this sketch comedy show are great, but this one contains the classic “Wyckyd Sceptre” sketch.  If you’ve never seen Mr. Show, pretty much all their stuff’s on YouTube.  Check it out immediately.

 

(In a hot tub)

Band member #1: Look at my hard dick.  Isn’t it rad?

Band member #2: I’m so fuckin’ horny, dude!

Band member #1: Well, then, dude, suck that shit!

 

There are many, many more, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep etc. etc.

 

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