A young MAN and older WOMAN are sitting in chairs representing two seats on an airplane.  The MAN is dressed very casually and the WOMAN is dressed up, looking affluent and uptight.

CAPTAIN (offstage): Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.  This is your captain speaking.  Flight 122, Chicago to Boston, will be taking off shortly.

The MAN reaches into his bag and pulls out a magazine titled “Big Titty Spunk Lovers.”  It’s obviously an adult mag.  He peruses it.

MAN: Ooh.  Ooh yeah.  Dig that tattoo.

He flips the pages.  The WOMAN is annoyed but trying not to pay attention.

MAN: Come on, those can’t be real.

He flips the pages.  She is getting more annoyed.

MAN: Whoa.  Look at the size of that guy.  That’s a deformity you WANT to have.

WOMAN: Must you read that magazine?

MAN: Oh, I’m not reading it.

WOMAN: It’s disgusting.  Please put it away.

MAN: You don’t have to look.  Gaze out the window.

WOMAN: There’s just a runway out there.

MAN: Speaking of landing strips, check this chick out.

WOMAN: Put it away!

MAN: All right, all right.

He puts it away, sits for a moment, then pulls out a magazine titled “Jizz Guzzling Whores.”  He peruses it.

MAN: Ooh.  Ooh yeah.  Dig that I Dream of Jeannie get-up.

WOMAN:  Will you put that away?

MAN: This one, too?

WOMAN: Yes!

MAN: This one’s even better than the other one.

WOMAN: Put it away now or I will call the flight attendant.

MAN: All right, all right.

He puts it away, sits for a moment, then pulls out a magazine titled “Ram My Tender Ass.” It’s obviously an all-male mag.  He peruses it.

MAN:  Ooh.  Ooh yeah.  That can’t be legal.

WOMAN: Attendant!  Attendant!

A male attendant approaches.

ATTENDANT: Is there a problem, ma’am?

WOMAN: This man is reading pornography and it’s offensive.

MAN: I’m not reading it.

ATTENDANT: Let me take a look. (He peruses) Ooooh.  Oooooh, yes.  That can’t be legal.

MAN: I know, right?

WOMAN: Will you please make him put it away?

ATTENDANT: Lady, I got a skinhead reading “Mein Kampf” over there, a suspicious-looking bearded gentleman in a turban reading “Purchasing Plutonium for Dummies” over there, and a sad middle-aged woman reading “Oprah” magazine over there.  I don’t think this is the problem.

As he leaves, he gives the MAN a business card.

ATTENDANT (winks):  Call me.

The WOMAN huffs and slumps in her seat, defeated.

CAPTAIN: Good afternoon again, ladies and gentlemen.  Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for takeoff.

They put on their belts and the MAN pulls out a magazine titled “Barnyard Nut Bustin’.”  It’s obviously a bestiality mag.  He peruses it.

MAN: You like horses?  Check this out.

WOMAN: AHHHHH!

THE END

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