In the 70’s, All In The Family was my dad’s favorite show.  I was only in grade school at the time, but I always watched it with him.  It really wasn’t like any other sitcom on TV, and I appreciated that it tackled some controversial topics.

But most of all I loved Archie.  I agreed more with Mike, and Edith could be funny, but Archie was hilarious.  Here are some of my favorite Mr. Bunker quotes:


Don’t talk like an ignarosis.

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don’t wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one.

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side.

We hold these semi-animal meetings.

After once or twice a thing like this gets vulgarious.

Why doncha get some chinkypuncture?

He’ll be coming back and back and back, like a chronicle rash.

One of the funniest antidotes of all time…you sit there like you’re in a comma.

That guy is a blackbuster.

That woman is liable to come at you like a Doberman’s Pincher.

Even Robinson Crusoe had company on Friday.

See if he passed the literaracy test.

I’d say that the Meathead probably got magnesia and forgot where his mouth was.

I’m sympathising my watch with yours.

Can’t eat the food with these chink pickup sticks.

I pay very heavy semi-annual premiums 4 times a year.

The Meathead swooped down on the table like a plague of crocuses.

You’re breakin’ about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen.

I was readin’ an article about the animal population — there’s millions of pets explodin’.

A vacancy might be opening up right now, courtesy of the grim creeper.

Well, youse two may have come from monkeys and bamboons, but not me.

Homo sapiens…that’s a killer fag.

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, “begatten.”

This ain’t one of these slighthearted occasions.

The lord may be smilin’ on the sheeps, but they still wind up as lamb chops.

Here’s a last bequest: I don’t want that guy sayin’ my last urology.

At night they all come out of the subway and they’re hooverin’ around the corner.

I would have brung you flowers too, but I read in a magazine that they suck up all the carbon monoxygen.

The Bunkers is going down to Florida as pre-deranged.

Probably a torn filament right there in the kneecap.

The tiger, he come up with the tigeress.  The lion, he come up with the lionette.  The zebra, he come up with the zeberelle.

The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband being big enough to step back and see where the wife is wrong.

I never said a guy who wears glasses is a queer.  A guy who wears glasses is a four-eyes; a guy who’s a fag is a queer.

I’ve gotta quote for you, Edith.  “A bird that always flies in the fog is called a dingbat.”

God don’t make no mistakes.  That’s how He got to be God.

That’s the kind of luck poor Mr. Lincoln had the night he went to the movies…as he sat in John Wilkes’ booth.

Honor thy parents.  That’s one of the Lord’s top 10 commandments.  That’s right around covetin’ your neighbor’s cattles and wives and there.

I’m only human, Meathead, and to be human is to be violent.

A woman should cleave into her husband.  Right here in this house is where Edith’s cleavage belongs.

East is east and west is west, but none of us is gonna meet Mark Twain.

In the words of Harry S. Truman, “If it’s too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook.”

Like the Good Book says, “Let him who is without sin be the rolling stone.”

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he’s coming over here to claim his pound of fish.

Was Uncle Oscar’s death very untimely, you ask?  Well, it was near lunch.

You painted us into a corner, then you threw away the key.

There’s nothing wrong with revenge – it’s the best way to get even.