Each U.S. election year, millions of dead people vote (such voting is especially popular in the Chicago area).  Since these voters are presumably freshly-risen zombies, here are some undead voting tips and guidelines:



All voters are required to register.  Shamble out of the grave at least a month before the election and go to your town’s city hall.  If you were buried with your wallet, show them your identification and fill out the paperwork.  If not, explain that your ID was stolen by a zombie.  This will distract from the fact that YOU’RE a zombie (it helps if the registrar is also a zombie).  If the registrar says you’re dead, loudly argue that you’re a taxpayer and this is an outrage.  Make a scene until he/she freaks out and gives you the go-ahead.

You can then shuffle back to your eternal resting place to chill until Election Day.  Or you can hang out at a mall — nobody will notice.


Finding polling locations

On Election Day, stumble into any local church or high-school gym.  Look casual, but alive.  It’s okay if you appear drunk; most living voters look the same way.  Resist any urge to feed on the vast sea of sweet, sweet human flesh.  If you find it’s NOT a polling location, grab a quick snack of a toe or ear and go to the next closest facility.



You’ll have to show some “real” identification at the polls.  Simply flash a still from any one of the 200,000 zombie movies that have been made.  If the official gives you any guff, stare at him/her with your dead eyes and softly hiss, “brainsssss.”  Be confident.  You’re entitled to vote.  This is America.


Actual voting

Once in the voting booth, the wonderful world of democracy is yours.  If you’re using an electronic voting device, be sure to push the touch-screen items hard enough to register your vote (severely rotted hands and fingers can hinder this).  If you’re using one of the older machines that uses levers, try not to lose an arm while pulling.  If you’re already missing your arms, use whatever you can – even if it’s a body part you just ripped off a living person (try holding it with your teeth).


REMEMBER: Per the U.S. Constitution, you cannot be denied the right to vote.  It guarantees no discrimination due to age or race, except if you’re under 18.  If you’re under 18, you really shouldn’t be rising from the crypt to vote.  They’re sticklers about that stuff.


Have fun, and happy dead voting!