About a month ago, I signed up for the dating site Zoosk, one of the more popular ones on Facebook.  It’s the first paid site I’ve used.

There have been a few actual conversations with actual women.  Most of those end with them going on and on about their kids.  One divorcee was actually interesting, then confessed she’s married and cheats on her husband with guys she meets online.  Oh yeah, and her cute photo is 16 years old, and she’s gained quite a bit of weight since then.  Thanks for the deception, adulteress.

But far and away the most messages are from overseas spammers/scammers.  They use a photo of the best-looking woman they can find, and the rap goes, more or less (taken from an actual message):


Hi handsome I am new to this dating site here,I am looking for an honest man who is open, generous,will love, respect and be compassionate with himself and others. he must be honest, caring, sincere, affectionate,Open minded and hearted individuals a serious relationship,fun and ultimately love with the right person.I want to find someone that I can be myself with, and share myself with.  I am a very happy person full of life and laughter with a great sense of humor, and i will love to know more about you too, so here is my email address: (chopped-up Yahoo address)so we can share pictures Email me now that is the best way you can get in touch with me i am not really use to this site waiting to hear back from you soon or drop me your cell phone # so I can Text you.


Hmmmm…you signed up for a paid site to chat, but I have to e-mail you or give you my phone number?  Sounds legit.


I’ve done the online thing for years, and this is quite common.  But I was curious as to how it worked, so I sent a “what’s up?” e-mail to one.

He/she wrote back, in broken English, and sent a few photos.  Nice.  Overly suggestive and fake, but nice.  Then he/she insisted on going to Yahoo chat.  Okey-doke.


He/she claimed to be from Ghana.

ME: Your profile says you’re from Chicago.

HE/SHE: I am new to dating site, I am in Ghana

ME: Why did you say you’re from Chicago?

HE/SHE: As I said I am new to site, I am looking for good man

Then he/she kept insisting that I add him/her to my Yahoo contacts.

ME: Why do I need to do that?

HE/SHE: So we can chat

ME: We’re chatting now.

HE/SHE: (some lame excuse why I HAD to add to contacts)


He/she left, saying it was bedtime, but that he/she wanted to chat at roughly 4 p.m., my time, the following day.


At around 1 p.m. the next day, I got a message from him/her – only using a different name.

ME: You’re name’s different today than it was yesterday.

HE/SHE: What do you mean

ME: Yesterday you were (name), today you’re (different name).

HE/SHE: Why are you talking this way I am new to this

I dropped the whole thing.  I assume they get you to add to Yahoo contacts (which I obviously didn’t do), then hack your computer somehow.  Or maybe they try to get money from you if they can drag you out long enough.


I wonder how many guys fall for this.  I must be quite a few, because they’re certainly incessant with me.  Now, just to be ornery, I respond with, “You’re fake, and I’ve alerted the American authorities.”  Hey, I gotta amuse myself somehow.