New song to appear on my sophomore CD.   Sometimes I really feel the human condition.




I was ridin’ old Bess on the dusty plain

When the clouds unleashed and I was ridin’ in the pourin’ rain

Old Bess got spooked and she bucked me down

And I could feel my perineum split as I hit the ground



Didn’t break my bum, didn’t hurt my sack

But that couple of inches in between sure got a nasty crack

I’m now a man that I wish I ain’t

Oh, will you still love me and my busted taint?


The doc patched me up with a plaster cast

It’s really uncomfortable and goes halfway up my ass

I can’t sit down, I’m in a lotta pain

And I shuffle around like I’m walking like ol’ John Wayne


He says I’ll be okay, if I’m to do things his way

Like no heavy liftin’, no heavy sittin’

And shittin’ ‘round the cast every single day


Well I hope it heals fast and I can get back to ridin’ ol’ Bess

‘Cuz a man needs his taint like a painter needs his paint

And my taint’s my good friend, I must confess




My shattered taint

My battered taint

My damaged taint

My torn up taint

My fractured taint

My crippled taint

My splintered taint

My injured taint

My ruptured taint

My mangled taint

My annihilated, demolished, pulverized, destroyed beyond all recognition taint