“Can I get a bourbon IV drip, love?” — Winston Churchill

“I hope act II is more character-driven.” — Abraham Lincoln

“Didja ever notice how hospital food is lousy?” — Andy Rooney

“Watch me bench press this locomotive.” — Jack LaLanne

“Damn, only six bottles of vodka left.” — Amy Winehouse

(No last words, just a dreamy twinkle in his eye) — Davy Jones

“Well, THIS sucks.” — Adolph Hitler

“Pancakes make lovely hood ornaments in Guam, mommy.” — Ronald Reagan

“The world can never know of my undying love for Juice Newton’s music.” — Kurt Cobain

“I’m cool – sixteen eight-balls in an hour is nothing.” — John Belushi

“Sure, I’ll sign an autograph, fat boy.” — John Lennon

“Clubgoers, please help me, I’m not break dancing!” — River Phoenix

“I thought I locked up that gun, you crazy bitch.” — Phil Hartman

“Tito – leave everything to Tito…” — Michael Jackson

“Just click ‘reboot.’” — Steve Jobs

“Maybe unprotected sex with 20,000 women wasn’t the best idea.” — John Holmes

“I hope Jesus naturally selects me to be a unicorn in heaven.” — Charles Darwin

“AHHHH!  This massive dump is literally killin’ me!” — Elvis Presley

“These Dallas chicks sure got hit with the ugly stick.” — John F. Kennedy

“You’re all a bunch of crumby phonies.  I swear to God.” — J.D. Salinger

“Okay, I AM a crook.  Happy now?” — Richard Nixon

“This’ll show the goddamn gubmint.” – David Koresh

“Ow.  Who moved that fuckin’ night stand?” – William Holden

“Tell Salieri he’s a colossal prick.” — Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

“I’ll just do another line and take a nice hot bath.” — Whitney Houston

“I should’ve sprung for the ski lessons.” – Sonny Bono

“You crazy wanker, you’re flying right into the bus!” – Randy Rhoades

“Yes….yes…..yes…omigod…YES…YES!!!” – David Carradine

“This tastes like puke.” — John Bonham, Jimi Hendrix, Bon Scott

“I’ll get you for this, you bastards.” – Jesus Christ [citation needed]

Advertisements