Another nugget from the comedy act archive.  I opened with this for about the first year I performed.

 

WHO DO YOU LOVE? (George Thoroughgood)

 

My arteries are clogged and icky

I got teeth rottin’ outta my head

My spine’s as crooked as a politician

And my eyes are puffy and red

 

Got an ugly case o’ head lice

I smell like a rancid pig

Got bugs crawlin’ ‘round in my underwear

And my ass is way too big

 

Well, who do you love?

Who do you freakin’ love, baby?

 

My toes are grown together

My liver’s as hard as a rock

Got cellulite hangin’ out over my jeans

And it jiggles when I walk

 

Got a deviated septum

Got a punctured eardrum, too

Got a hemorrhoid the size of a submarine

And I wanna rub it on you, darlin’

 

Well, who do you love?

Who do you freakin’ love, baby?