If you could get drunk with any celebrity, who would you chose? Here’s my list:


Neil deGrasse Tyson. The guy’s so smart his head must be ready to explode. Get a few drinks in him and you’ll likely get 19 semesters’ worth of advanced astrophysics in two hours.

Likely favorite drink: Martini

Wild activity of the evening: Lying on our backs in the grass and repeatedly yelling at the stars: “Fuck you, universe!”


Anna Kendrick. She sure seems like she’d be a fun drunk. And she probably wouldn’t mind my clumsy flirtation attempts.

Likely favorite drink: Strawberry daiquiri (extra booze)

Wild activity of the evening: Beating up a paparazzi and peeing on his face


Christopher Walken. Two crazy people getting drunk. We could do impersonations of each other and rip our shirts off and beat our chests and such.

Likely favorite drink: Vodka on the rocks

Wild activity of the evening: Prank-calling the shit out of Gary Busey


Dave Grohl. Come on, how fun would this be? Super-talented, uber-cool, got lots of really interesting stories.

Likely favorite drink: Expensive imported beer

Wild activity of the evening: Riding around in a limo and whipping copies of the “Nevermind” album at people on the streets


Dave Attell. For those who are only into stand-up comedy .003% as much as I am, Dave’s an hilarious (and quite R-rated) comedian who’s been around forever. He’s a boozer, so you know it’d be a fun time.

Likely favorite drink: Whisky

Wild activity of the evening: Convincing young drunk girls we’re the guys from Wham!


Samuel L. Jackson. The encounter would make my coolness factor go up 1,338%. Hollywood debauchery stories would surely abound.

Likely favorite drink: Rum and Coke

Wild activity of the evening: Re-enacting the “foot massage” scene from Pulp Fiction in front of a crowd of enthralled bar patrons


Banksy. I have no idea how this would play out, but how many people can say they’ve gotten drunk with an elusive artist? Maybe he’s hilarious.

Likely favorite drink: Zima

Wild activity of the evening: He makes me part of an art piece, which unfortunately is me hanging upside down, painted chartreuse, and puking


Rip Torn. Who wouldn’t want to party with a belligerent 85-year-old actor? You know he’d be a blast. And oh, the stories…

Likely favorite drink: Jagermeister

Wild activity of the evening:  Firing guns in the air, punching some cops, getting arrested, punching more cops


George R.R. Martin. Don’t know much about the guy, but he looks like he could put away some drinks. The encounter would be strictly to get him hammered and extort future Game of Thrones plotlines out of him.

Likely favorite drink: Strong wine

Wild activity of the evening: Prank-calling the shit out of J.K. Rowling


Grumpy Cat. Can animals get drunk? I hope so. This cat needs cheering up.

Likely favorite drink: Fermented milk

Wild activity of the evening: Snorting catnip and listening to “Dark Side of the Moon” over and over