Back in 60’s Britain, two youth subcultures, the Mods and the Rockers, would often brawl (see “Quadrophenia”).

But how would those groups clash today…if those first vowels were changed a bit?


Mads vs. Rackers


Mads: perpetually angry, primarily from watching too much Fox News.

Rackers: mostly pre-teens who find delight in punching or kicking males in the groin, effectively “racking” them.

Beef:  None, really, just unbridled hostility.

The Rumble:  Mads come out swinging, Rackers come out racking.  Mads have an advantage if they are comprised mostly of enraged women.



Meds vs. Reckers


Meds: always hopped up on powerful prescription drugs.

Reckers: have a penchant for wrecking things, just for the hell of it.  The “w” was dropped from the name to be hip.

Beef:  Reckers hate dopeheads and Meds hate destructive hipsters.

The Rumble:  Meds usually force handfuls of Xanax into the Reckers’ mouths, which eventually mellows things out.  Often followed by going out for strawberry smoothies.



Mids vs. Rickers


Mids:  mobile Internet devices…with an attitude.

Rickers:  extremely fond of large piles of hay and straw.

Beef:  Mids like to overheat in the Rickers’ haystacks, causing fires.  No one knows why.  No one dares ask.

The Rumble:  More flaming confusion than outright rumbling.  Mids, being inanimate, often get stomped on, thus voiding their warranties.



Muds vs. Ruckers


Muds: filthy gang who wallows in wet earth.

Ruckers: comprised solely of brothers Jimmy Joe and Billy Bob Ruckers, who hate people who bathe in crud.

Beef:  Just the Ruckers’ rabid opposition of poor hygiene.

The Rumble: Lots of mudslinging against shotguns filled with rock salt.  Muds usually win due to their numbers, then force the brothers to eat dirt.