I used to do this song in the comedy act. It will also appear on my upcoming debut CD (projected release date: next Year of the Rat).
BROKEN-HEARTED COWBOY
He was a rough-and-tumble hard-drinkin’ cowboy
From just north of the Rio Grande
She was a steamy Mexican senorita
Who did interpretive dances on the weekends for a few extra pesos
They met one night at a seedy dive
Called The One-Eyed-Three-Tongued Rattlesnake Saloon
He was poundin’ shots of whisky
She was writhing nude on the stage to a disjointed samba rhythm
And then their eyes met, and thunder stuck and waves crashed and empires toppled
I mean it was really something, let me tell you, man
He leapt over fifteen tables, cracked his shin on the stage, grabbed her up
And took her back to his ranch with mirrors on the ceiling
They did everything imaginable in every possible position that two naked people could ever think about doing, and then some
He was especially impressed by the way she could twist her arm behind her head
Like Ronnie Cox as the dead guy in Deliverance
And then she started talkin’ about her six kids, her six mortgages
And her six cases of herpes since she was sixteen
The cowboy thought, “Oh my god, six-six-six,
“She’s the antichrist right here.”
He leapt out of bed, he threw on his clothes, he jumped on his horse
And he rode for kilometers and kilometers and kilometers
He rode until his horse had a heart attack and died
Leaving him stranded in the desert with no food or water
As he lay dying of hunger and thirst, and a ragin’ case of VD
An angel appeared before his eyes and said,
“Me so horny”
No, wait, she said,
“Go see the senorita, she needs you”
With every last ounce of strength me could muster he crawled his way back to the ranch
Only to find the senorita had left him for a short balding accountant
Now he’s a broken-hearted syphilitic cowboy
Without a horse
Woe, woe, woe
Yeah, he’s a broken-hearted syphilitic cowboy
Without a horse
He hasn’t got a horse
webelmania 