Been thinking about death lately, maybe because I’m old, but I thought of a Stephen King quote (totally paraphrasing):

“Most people think about dying peacefully in their sleep after a good meal, a good bottle of wine, and a good lay. But few people think about being crushed under a car while crankcase oil slowly drips on their forehead.”

Which got me to thinking about the worst ways to die. I’m morbid that way.


Supposedly this isn’t a REAL bad way to go, but still, you’re fuckin’ freezing to death.


Just wasting away until your stomach eats itself (not sure that’s what happens but it sounds cool).


Aside from immediate suicide, drowning is the only cause of death where you actually choose the moment you die. That’s fuckin’ creepy.

Set on fire

The largest organ in your body set aflame. The pain factor would be off the charts.

Cut in half

Ouch! Especially if it’s from head to toe.


The largest organ in your body slowly stripped away until you bleed out. No thank you.

Falling into lava

“If you drop your keys in molten lava, let ‘em go, man, ‘cuz they’re gone.” – Jack Handey

Eaten by lion

How horrible would this be? Powerful jaws just ripping you apart. At least you’d be a meal for something.


I’m’ talkin’ a big ol’ spike up your bottom that pierces your insides. Not very pleasant at all.

Eaten by shark

Like eaten by a lion, only in water and 1000 times more terrifying.